How To Handle Abusive Customers/Prospects

Everyone dealing with customers sooner or later encounters one that they would just like to avoid altogether. But you can’t because it’s your job to deal with customers; the good, the bad, and the downright ugly. Here is a summary of a post-sale meeting I had with a particularly difficult paper mill manager named Bill a few years ago. I was asked to go smooth over some issues we were having with the performance of a new product we had just installed on one of his paper machines.

After completing his soliloquy of how we had disappointed and failed Bill then turned to me. I started by saying 'I apologize on behalf . . .' but was abruptly interrupted by Bill’s booming voice. 'BEING SORRY ISN'T GOOD ENOUGH *&^%$#@'. After an almost imperceptible nod by Bill his team started piling on with raised voices conveying indignations and invectives that questioned my company's integrity, our ability to execute, and I believe my mother's choice of footwear. Bill was eventually called from the room whereupon his minions instantly apologized and said they knew our guys were doing all they could and were confident that we would get the problem solved. When Bill returned, the environment reverted to one of hostility and disgust. The apology having failed, I then tried the ‘I understand how your feel’ route which was met with a booming ’NO, YOU DO NOT!’ Finally after about 20 minutes of outright abuse I found an approach that seemed to work, ‘Bill, I hear you’ which effectively calmed things down. It was less about being the right thing to say and more about Bill having accomplished his goal. He had gotten our attention, communicated how serious the situation was, and that we better get it fixed, fast.

Bill had obviously orchestrated this meeting. He knew what he wanted to accomplish and how he wanted to accomplish it. This was Bill’s style. While I had never even met Bill prior to this, I knew what to expect because this was the way Bill dealt with any issue. While he was serious, I am sure that his heightened sense of indignation was all an act. We knew it and his guys knew it. But we had to let the act play out before we would be permitted to discuss our plans to resolve the problem. It wasn’t personal. How could it be? Bill didn't even know me.

No it wasn’t personal and so I didn’t take it personally, but it still wasn’t fun. While I won’t tell anybody that they must subject themselves to abuse as part of the job, the fact of the matter is being able to stay detached and unemotional in the face of confrontation is a skill worth developing. I always tell sales people – think of it as a game. The customer has money and you want it. You win the game by closing the order not by scoring a few points and momentarily feeling better by fighting nastiness with nastiness. You only win the game if you win the order, or as in a case like the one above, you are permitted to follow through and make the delivery successfull. This is equally true whether the customer is nice or nasty. If you can depersonalize the nastiness that some customers think they are entitled to dish out just because they are the customer and as a result you are able to keep the door open and you end up getting the order – then you win the game.

While being nasty and confrontational was Bill’s style, there are any number of reasons why customers may unload on you at any one time. Even if you are not up to confronting the truly nasty customers, it would be a shame for you to ruin an opportunity for ongoing business by not being thick skinned enough to tolerate one-time or occasional outbursts from normally well behaved customers. It helps to understand some of the causes of this behavior:

• This recession has increased stress on almost everyone. Ordinarily nice people can be under tremendous pressure which can result in some pretty nasty behavior – which they will eventually regret if you hang in there long enough.
• You. Have you or your company failed the customer is some way. Maybe their anger is justified. If you can’t take the heat when you deserve it then it will be impossible for you to be strong enough to win the game when you are subjected to undeserved heat.
• It’s a tactic. As in Bill’s case, some customers use intimidation because they think it is the best way to keep vendors on notice and prevent them from becoming complacent. Don' take it personally.
• Because they can. There are some insecure people who make up for their feelings of inadequacy by picking on people over whom they feel they have a modicum of control. In this case it is not a tactic, it is not due to some temporary stress, nor is it done as a means of achieving the company’s goals. These people can be vindictive and therefore it is best if you can go over or around these people.

Since facing abuse can be an unsettling experience, handling it skillfully requires forethought and some practice such as acquired through role play. Know ahead of time how you are going to respond to abuse should it come your way.

These are the rules I have followed when faced with confrontational statements by a customer or prospect:

1. First, make sure you understand what they are saying. If their meaning is unclear ask questions in a sincere non-judgmental tone. Repeat your understanding back to them to make sure you have it right.
2. Agree with whatever truth exists in their statement and/or acknowledge their concern. Apologize only if appropriate but express an understanding of their feelings or at least that you have heard their concerns
3. Provide additional information to them that is pertinent and will lead to their understanding of the broader truth. If you've got nothing - promise to get back with to them with a response. Don't be intimidated into prematurally committing to action just because they were angry or abusive.

I have never seen anything gained in a customer situation by ridiculing, humiliating, or treating a customer or prospect with disrespect. On the other hand, I have seen many orders won despite outrageous, inaccurate, and inflammatory statements having been made by a prospect during the sales process that were treated non-emotionally and respectfully by the salesperson. If necessary, win the order by losing the argument. Even if a person is out of control maintaining control of yourself will put you in a better position to work with others in your customer’s organization to win the game by closing the order.

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